What I Learned on Facebook

Things I have learned on Facebook:

1) Some people have only one trick – ranting.

2) Cats can learn tricks.

3) Children can be blown into body parts.

4) Black cats and dogs are rescued less often than other cats and dogs.

5) You can usually tell by the first line if a poem is good or bad, and you can always tell by the second line, unless you’re the poet.

6) Conspiracy theorists are everywhere. I just know it.

7) Some people remain sane in the middle of unfathomable horrors, and can report what is happening with clarity and humanity, and we want desperately to let them know we hear them, we thank them, and we care incredibly deeply.

8) Avocados are nutritious and can be arranged decoratively.

9) All children, when whole, are beautiful, even in the middle of rubble, even when cut up by shrapnel, but not so much when they are starving.

10) Sea lions climb onto boats at sea to snuggle, whales breach to say “thank you” after being rescued from fishermen’s nets, baby bears climb ladders to get out of dumpsters, and deers love water sprinklers.

11) People are protesting around the world in support of Palestine, and the boycott and sanctions movement against Israel is expanding, even though it isn’t in the western papers.

12) No matter how fast the breaking news, someone on FB will let you know first, whether it’s an earthquake in Chile or the autopsy of a young black male shot by a policeman.

13) I have a cousin who seems to belong to the Tea Party.

14) Yazidis must not be well connected to the Internet because hardly anyone in the West knew they existed until they were in danger of extinction.

15) Political committees talk in capital letters, ex. BOEHNER WILL BE FLUMMOXED!!!!

16) Some birds are more beautiful than flowers.

17) Hamas and the Israeli Defense Force want you to see their fighters, uniforms, weapons, and logos. Like other political groups, they know how to find you.

18) Most open carry gun advocates would benefit by leaving their camouflage fatigues and/or black sleeveless tops at home with their guns.

19) Young black men are regularly killed by white cops and, thanks to smartphones, we get to see some of those murders. More on that to come. Stay alert FB friends.

20) We loved Robin Williams more than we realized.

21) Indians make the best short self-satire videos. (Hamas and the IDF could learn something there.)

22) Vacation photos of the sea all look alike.

23) We can mourn and laugh collectively, and support and inform each other, and discover we are mostly really good people, excepting for some trolls.

24) Trolls give you the opportunity to practice zen where your annoyance bandwidth intersects with your compassion bandwidth.

25) Some people give gifts – exquisite music, beautiful selfies, videos of people just being nice to each other, and quotes by MLK, Gandhi, and Williams. They give them especially in the middle of wreckage.

26) I love those people.

27) The crisis in Syria is so horrific few of us know what to say about it. Ditto South Sudan, Congo, Guinea, and more.

28) Relief is sometimes only an “unfriend” away.

29) You can “unfriend” people temporarily as a safety measure for friendship, like until after the killing stops in Palestine and Israel.

30) There are people like you – brilliant, sensitive, right – whom you’ve never met but that you can talk with every day, and you’re so damn grateful.

31) Animals form weird loving relationships: elephants with dogs, raccoons with cats, donkeys with sheep, geese with dogs, porpoises with cats, lions with humans.

32) People on FB form weird loving relationships too.

33) We all like to be “liked.”